Best man

I'm the quiet one who sits in the corner and can't think of anything to say. When my brother asked me whether I'd like to be best man at his wedding, I agreed pretty quickly. ("I thought I'd ask you because you've always been quite... literary," he said). For all my quietness, during the preceding 8 years I'd slowly learned how to make presentations without drawing cries of "speak up!" from the audience. For me, the key is to deliver the speech enough times that it enters my vocal muscle memory, rehearsing for an imaginary audience, in a voice loud enough to fill a room. I always find those rehearsals very useful for learning exactly how incoherent the first draft of the speech is, and for learning where the stumbling blocks and embarrassments are. Then it's revision revision revision until they have been (mostly) cut out or adjusted.

Having made my first (moderately) acceptable presentation at a conference in 2005, I was in the right place, mentally and with regard to confidence, to accept the task of making the best man's speech at my brother's wedding. Having accepted, the work really started. I thought about it for weeks before even writing anything, serious under-the-shower alpha-wave thinking. I was going to include anecdotes, as many as I could, like a CV of our relationship as brothers. It would need to be entertaining. I also learned it needed not to offend him, his wife, or our severe in-laws to be. That was one half of the speech. An introduction of the groom and the groom's family to the bride's family.

The other half was about marriage. Its history and significance. What was a bridesmaid? What was a best man? Why were these rituals important? And so I read about the history and tried to bind it to the day and present the wedding as a part of this age-old tradition. I wish
I'd read about the symbolism of the rings. The fact that in medieval times, whenever people made promises or drew up business contracts, they would offer a ring as a token of the promise. The ring was the promise. In marriage, it still is.

One source of motivation for me in giving the best man's speech was that a few years earlier, a cousin had got married and had told his best man that he didn't need to give a speech if he didn't want to. His best man was so shy that he couldn't bear the thought of it and managed to avoid giving any speech. When the day of the wedding came, he regretted that decision and knew it was an opportunity missed. I didn't want to have the same regrets about my brother's wedding. The more I learned, the more privileged I felt to have been asked. The best man is like the groom's minder. His defender and assistant. The one who brushes off the dust, makes sure that lapels are straight and ties are fixed.

While I was preparing the speech, I actually attended another wedding, and made sure to pay special attention to the best man's speech there. It was a great help... well structured, short and sweet (quite a bit shorter than my final one). It made me realise that short speeches are much better than long ones and much less boring to listen to. I decided to adjust mine from roughly 20 minutes to roughly 10 minutes in length. There were some hard cuts, but nothing I regret now.

Overall, I'm happy with the speech. It's personal and true. I tried to make it light but at the same time to reflect the seriousness of the institution. It was fairly well received and I think that's all a best man can really hope for. You can see it (split across two youtube videos, a ten minute one and a two minute one) below: